Friday, April 20, 2012

On the Issue of Insecurity...

It's been two months...it's been too long.  I know dis...I know dis...

Seriously, I just wrote half of a post and it disappeared on me.  Poof!  Vanished.  I'm going to choose not to be grumpy about it and persevere.

Several months ago, I began to meet with a precious and I mean PRECIOUS young woman to talk through some struggles she has been facing.  She's just a doll, truly.  And we meet at The Cracker Barrel, which makes it all the more fantastic.  Everything is better with biscuits and honey, you know?  Anyway, I had heard great reviews of Beth Moore's new book, So Long Insecurity, and it seemed to really fit the situation, so I suggested we read the book together...

For her sake, of course.

Wrong.

I have never, in my adult life, really considered myself insecure.  I mean, everyone has their struggles, but insecurity is just not been at the top of my list of issues.  Well, I mean, in middle school...yes, I was insecure.  But I was in middle school!  And if you saw pictures of me in middle school, you would understand why...

It was unfortunate.

I digress.

Insecurity.  Don't get me wrong...I know I have issues, believe me!  But, I just haven't really ever sat around wishing I was prettier or smarter and skinnier or more talented, or wishing I had this or that or if I did have those things I would somehow be more worthy or loved or validated.  I am all those things and more in Christ!  (Don't you love my Sunday School answer???)  But, seriously,  I have always sort of had the stance of "take me or leave me, I is what I is."  Not in a mean or disrespectful way, just in a confident sort of way.  Now, of course, we all have our moments of insecurity, but I would never have considered it a stronghold, something that controlled me in any way.

As it turns out, I is indeed what I is, and what I is...is insecure.

Drat.

That reminds me of this one time, in high school, they were doing an article in the school newspaper on one thing that different people would want to change about themselves.  They asked Chad, and he literally said, "Nothing.  I can't think of anything."

Seriously. This what I grew up with.

I digress. 

Again.

Back to my point...the book gave me a very stout proverbial slap in the face, to put it mildly.  It's a work I think every woman should read, Christian or not.  It is chapter after chapter of material on how women relate to other women and to the men in our lives out of insecurity that is often so undetectable it is considered a cultural norm.  And, in that, we fail to connect, we fail to grow in and with one another.  Unity is hard to achieve.  Honesty is hard to achieve.  The true fellowship that women so desperately need with one another is out of reach if all we can do is size one another up and compare.

Just read the book.

In fact, I'm gonna go home and read the book again.

I'm not going to give away the farm...no full book review.  But I do want to share one quote from the book that I ran across this week on a sticky note.  Apparently, it confounded me enough to write it down and stick it in my day planner.  Here it is...

"Are others worth what it would take for you to live in the security of Christ?"

There is a verse in Hebrews that is one of my favorites...not because it is particularly pleasant but because it is particularly true.  It says, "See to it that no one misses the grace of God, and that no bitter seed takes root, that may grow up and defile many." (Hebrews 12:15)  It's the last part that gets me.  What the verse is basically saying is that your choice to be bitter about whatever it is in your life that didn't go just as you expected it should, it's not just eating away and destroying you...it's defiling the people that you love, the people around you.  Your bitterness hurts other people, too.  And in that, you are causing them to miss out on the grace of God.

Ouch.

So I thought of that when I read this quote in Beth's book.  It's the same concept.  My insecurity...aka, my bitterness that I am not something that I feel I need to be...is affecting the people around me, the people I love and share life with.  So the question remains...are the people in my life worth what it would take for me to truly be secure in Christ?  Are the people in my life worth showing that I can be confident and joyful in the place that He has put me with exactly who He made me, no matter the challenges?  Or do I want to drag them down with me, as I lament what I perceive as a bum lot in life?

It's something to think about.  I don't have a pretty little bow to wrap it all up with today.  The truth is, in my current place in life, God has seen fit to unveil my insecurities and force me to reckon with them.  And I reckon with them daily.  Am I worth it?  Am I good enough?  Am I pretty enough?  Am I clever enough and smart enough?  Am I talented enough?  These are questions I wrestle with daily in one way or another.  He is allowing things to be said that I want to allow to wound me.  He is allowing situations to occur that I want to show me that, no, I am indeed not good enough.  He is allowing moments to happen that I want to prove that, no, I'm not going to be worth it.  He is allowing all of these things...to show me that in Him, man cannot destroy me.  In Him, I am all I need to be.  In Him, I have all the resources to succeed at every plan He has made for me...in Him.

It's my choice to believe Him or not.

And If I DON'T believe him, I can destroy relationships that are dear to me.  If I choose NOT to believe Him, I can hurt the people that He has entrusted me to share life with.  If I REFUSE to believe Him, I don't allow myself to live in the fullness and abundance of His perfect plan for my life.

It's something to think about.

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine,
according to His power that is at work within us,
to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever!
Amen."

Amen, indeed.

Ephraim.









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